Not Okay
by SarahLovesGlee
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM AND SEXUAL ASSAULT 4x06 What if Burt had talked to Blaine after Grease, and discovered that he wasn't okay?
1. Chapter 1

**TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM AND SEXUAL ASSAULT**

This is a story I've been knocking around since November, really. The more that I learn about consent, the more I doubt that Blaine actually gave consent to Eli. This is an exploration of a different way 4x06 could have gone if this angle had been explored.

* * *

Burt hadn't really wanted to go see _Grease_. He knew it would bring back memories of Kurt and his mom, dancing around in the living room while watching the musical, back when everything seemed perfect and indestructible. Having Kurt home for the weekend was nice, but it just seemed to remind Burt how much of an absence that Kurt had left.

Oh, and despite how many months had gone by, Burt was still fairly annoyed with the whole institution of McKinley. He couldn't see why Finn was clinging to it in the way he was. But, then again, Finn had never had the same negative experiences that Kurt had.

It wasn't until he and Carole had found their way-too-small seats in McKinley's auditorium that Burt realized another reason he should have stayed home: Blaine. Kurt had refused to say much of anything about their break up, but Burt was of the understanding that whatever had happened, it was Blaine's fault. And that it had been no small disagreement.

Burt had felt conflicted when he got the call. There was a large part of him that simply wanted to tear Blaine limb-from-limb like he'd always thought he'd do if someone broke his precious little boy's heart. But Blaine was, well, Blaine. He'd become a part of the Hummel family, although he'd disappeared somewhat once Kurt had gone. Burt had often wondered in the months before the breakup if he knew more about the kid than Blaine's own parents did.

Ultimately, Burt didn't want to believe that Blaine could have done anything to make Kurt cry that hard over the phone. But he clearly did. So Burt didn't make any move to see how Blaine was doing, deciding that his allegiance should always be with Kurt. This, Burt realized much later, was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

The show went well, or, at least, better than Burt had expected a production directed by Finn could go. Burt was kinda surprised that Blaine hadn't gone for a lead. Okay, not just kinda, but extremely. But, then again, Burt thought he knew a lot of things about Blaine that didn't seem to actually be true.

Blaine was good as 'Teen Angel' but it definitely didn't come anywhere near to measuring up to his performance in _West Side Story _the year before. When the curtain falls and the show finishes, Carole decides to go find and congratulate Finn. Burt wants to, but his need to use the washroom takes precedence.

Leaving the washroom and walking past a closet, he hears a strange noise. He pauses. Another noise. A whimper. Burt hates that he recognizes the sound. It's Blaine. Clearly in distress. Burt considers walking away, but a louder sound rings out, a sob this time, and the idea is erased from his mind.

He approaches the door, unsure of what to do or what to say, but knowing that he needs to do something. He knocks quietly on the door. The noises stop.

"Blaine? Is that you? Can I come in? It's Burt."

The door doesn't open, and he hears no reply. As he opens the door, he realizes that there is no light inside the closet. Blaine's already red and tear-filled eyes cringe as the light hits him.

"Hey, buddy." Burt says softly, trying to keep Blaine calm as he steps into the tiny room.

It has the opposite effect. Blaine's sobbing increases, and he shuffles away from Burt as much as the small space allows. He wraps his arms around his body as if to protect himself. Burt is in the process of realizing how much smaller Blaine has become when he understands the action: Blaine is afraid of him.

Burt is not too sure what to do about that, so he sits down across from Blaine, leaving a very clear path to the door. Blaine is no longer cornered; he has an escape route.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Burt whispers, and Blaine looks up, confusion on his tear stained face.

"I understand that things aren't so good with you and Kurt right now, but I remember promising you in the spring that I'd still be here for you even if you and Kurt weren't together."

Blaine is simply staring at Burt now, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He's trembling slightly.

"I can see how much you're hurting, so I'm not going to ask you if you're okay. But I will ask you if I can do anything to help you."

Blaine doesn't say anything, so Burt just waits, trying to prove to Blaine that he's is actually comfortable with being around his son's ex-boyfriend.

It doesn't work – Blaine doesn't say anything, so Burt decides to ask again.

"Is there anything you want to talk about, Buddy?"

Something changes in his eyes. Resolution, almost. Very slowly, he begins to extend one arm, palm up, towards Burt.

"I've been cutting." Blaine says, more a breath than a whisper.

It doesn't exactly surprise Burt, but, all the same, he feels something tear inside of him.

"Okay." Burt says, trying to seem calm so as to not upset Blaine any further. Blaine's still got his arm extended, and it confuses Burt, but he eventually realizes that it's an invitation to inspect the boys arm.

He leans forward and gently cups the underside of Blaine's wrist in one hand, easing up the sleeve of the white sweater as carefully as he can. He sees a bandaged wrapped loosely around most of the forearm, and is alarmed to see that it is stained with blood. He wonders briefly how the sweater is still immaculate.

"Have you been cleaning your cuts?" Burt asks, concern filling him.

The look on Blaine's face suggests that it hadn't even crossed his minds to take care of the cuts, to take care of himself.

Burt starts to peel back the bandage, but it's stuck to the skin. One whimper from Blaine and Burt knows what he has to do.

"Blaine, we need to get someone to clean you up properly. I'm worried that you might be developing an infection."

Blaine shudders at the word, but nods.

While Burt definitely is worried about the risk of infection, it's actually not his greatest concern. Blaine's complete disregard for his body as indicated by not caring for his cuts suggests that the cutting isn't about coping or release or anything like the explanations he's heard before. It's about hurting himself. And if Blaine is genuinely wanting to hurt himself, what happens when cutting isn't enough?

It's too much to think about, so Burt stands up, and crouches next to Blaine to help him stand as well. They walk silently through the building together, and Burt is suddenly glad that he and Carole arrived in separate vehicles. He helps Blaine into the car, closes Blaine's door, and calls Carole.

She's concerned – of course she is. Burt's never met anyone with a stronger mothering nature. Not to mention how much she loves Blaine. She agrees to find Kurt and break the news to him, and then come meet Burt and Blaine at the hospital.

* * *

I'm planning for this to be about 3-4 chapters. The next two are written, so I'll post again in a few days. If you're here because of my other in-progress fics, well, I will get back to them eventually, I promise! I've been drafting more of BatK, and plan to start posting during the summer hiatus!

Please comment to let me know what you think of this new fic!

xSarah


	2. Chapter 2

**TW: discussion of sexual assault and self-harm, hospitals  
**

* * *

The ride is nearly silent. Burt asks Blaine about his parents, only to find out that they're visiting Blaine's ailing grandparents in Pennsylvania. When Burt suggests calling them, Blaine's eyes widen with something that looks like panic and he shakes his head so violently that Burt backtracks and says they can figure all that out later.

Blaine hadn't seemed to realize that when Burt suggested getting someone to clean him up, he'd meant the hospital. When they pull into the parking lot, Blaine starts trembling again. Burt wants nothing more to be able to just take Blaine home, wrap him in blankets and protect him from everything that scares and upsets him. But Burt knows that's not the best thing to do, so into the hospital they go.

They get through triage fairly quickly. The nurse recognizes the cuts on Blaine's arms. A silent conversation between her and Burt manages to convey the urgency of the situation, and Burt and Blaine are ushered to a room in little time at all.

Blaine's sweater and shirt are removed, leaving him in a sleeveless grey undershirt. The bandages are wrapped around both his forearms. Blaine shivers, looking small and vulnerable on the clinical hospital bed. It's only now, with the glaring florescent lights, that Burt can see how bad Blaine looks. His skin is missing its normal healthy glow and his eyes have dark bags under them.

Burt gets up from the plastic arm chair to sit with Blaine on the bed. He puts out his hand and after a few long moments, Blaine places his hand on top of Burt's. He looks up, his eyes full of fresh tears.

"Why are you here?" Blaine asks.

"Do you want me to leave?" Burt replies, slightly anxious.

Blaine shakes his head.

"That's why I'm here." Burt answers. "Carole will be here soon. She's really – well, she wants to be here for you, too."

And just as Burt says that, there's a quiet knock on the door. Carole enters. She angles her head out towards the hallway. Burt angles his head towards Blaine. Carole nods. Burt stands up and Carole takes his place beside Burt, wrapping the boy into a gentle hug and murmuring words of comfort.

Burt closes the door softly behind him, and turns to see Kurt, watching him anxiously.

"Carole said he's been cutting." Kurt says, his expression completely unreadable.

Burt nods and rubs at the back of his neck.

"Do you remember how he called me when you two had that big fight last year and he was having a panic attack?"

Kurt nods.

"This is worse. He just seems empty, broken. I don't know what's going on, but the cutting isn't the problem. It's just the symptom we can see most clearly right now."

There are tears streaming down Kurt's face, but he's biting his lip with a determination in his eyes that will always remind Burt of Kurt's mother.

"I'm still so mad at him." Kurt finally says.

"And I'm not saying you shouldn't be." Burt says quickly. "But having seen both of you, you are not the one who was hurt the most by whatever happened."

Kurt opens his mouth to refute that, but seems to realize where they are.

"If you want to go in there, you can't let him see your anger. He can't handle it right now. He just can't, Kurt."

Kurt nods one last time, takes a deep breath, and Burt can actually see the tension leave his face. He smiles at Burt, not a genuine smile, a performer's smile, and opens the door to the room. Burt follows him in.

Blaine's face is buried in Carole's shoulder so he doesn't see them come in. Kurt stops, frozen, as if he can't reconcile this Blaine with the one he'd argued with an hour earlier. Burt returns to the plastic armchair, leaving Kurt to stand awkwardly at the foot of the bed. Eventually, it seems that Kurt can't help himself and he moves to sit behind Blaine on the bed. Blaine startles, seeming to know instinctively who had sat down. He trembles harder, curling himself against Carole as if seeking protection from Kurt. Kurt's face is stricken, and he withdraws, unsure of what to do. After a few moments, he gently rests one hand on Blaine's back. And after a few more moments, starts to rub gently.

Some of the tension seems to leave Blaine's back, so Kurt rubs a little firmer, moving closer so that he can wrap his other arm around Blaine's waist.

Blaine sucks in a deep breath, before relaxing into his ex-boyfriend's embrace.

"Kurt?" he asks, uncertainly.

"Yeah, I'm here." Kurt says softly, his voice shaking. "You're my best friend, Blaine, I have to be here for you when you're hurting."

Blaine turns around in Kurt's arms to make eye contact.

"No, you don't." Blaine argues, before casting his eyes downward.

"Yes. I do." Kurt insists, resting his forehead against Blaine's.

Of course, the doctor comes in at that exact moment, putting an end to the conversation. He's got a tray of materials that makes Burt's stomach turn over just looking at it.

"I'm Doctor Miller. I've heard that you've got some cuts that may require stitches?"

Blaine nods, moving in Kurt's arms. Carole gets up, leaving the two boys on the bed. Blaine's sitting on the end, his legs hanging off, with Kurt behind him, his chest flush against Blaine's back and his legs hanging off one side.

The doctor pulls a chair over and sits down at the foot of the bed. Burt is relieved that he doesn't ask Kurt to move. The doctor reaches for Blaine's left arm, and slowly unwinds the bandage.

The sight of the medical equipment was nothing compared to the damage to Blaine's arm. Countless cuts mar Blaine's skin, some long, some short, some deep, some shallow, some nearly-healed and some that looked so fresh that Burt starts to wonder if Blaine had been cutting when Burt found him.

The doctor asks some questions, poking at Blaine's arm in a way that could only be excruciatingly painful, and then he's applying antiseptic to clean out the many wounds.

Kurt's crying, his head on Blaine's shoulder, both arms wrapped around Blaine's waist as if trying to hold him together. Actually, Blaine seems to be the only one who isn't crying. He's staring resolutely at the ground, as if he's completely disengaged from the whole situation.

It takes ages for the doctor to finish the arm, and there's a torturous moment when everyone seems to realize that the doctor hasn't even looked at Blaine's right arm yet.

When the doctor finally finishes, he wraps Blaine's arms in sterile bandages, taking a few moments to explain (more to Kurt than to Blaine) how to change and care for the bandages. When he leaves, a nurse comes in with a clipboard. She asks extensive questions about Blaine's medical history, and Kurt answers almost all of them, still holding Blaine tightly in his arms.

And then, a question is asked that Kurt doesn't answer:

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

And then Blaine is crying, crying like Burt's never seen him cry before. His whole body seems to radiate pain, in a way that's nearly incomprehensible considering how stoic he'd been while having his wounds cleans and receiving countless stitches.

Kurt's rubbing his hands up and down Blaine's upper arms, trying to console him even as Kurt cries into Blaine's shoulder.

And, then, Blaine speaks.

"I asked – He wouldn't – I wanted – He refused - "

The nurse somehow seems to make sense of this, even understanding that Blaine is not talking about the man holding him.

"So you asked him to wear a condom but he refused. Is that what you're saying?"

Blaine nods, and then lets out a sob that's nearly a wail.

"I'm so sorry!" Blaine cries, trying to pull out of Kurt's arms as if believing that he doesn't deserve to be there.

But Kurt only holds him tighter, beginning to whisper a refrain of "It's okay. It'll be okay."

"Blaine." The nurse interrupts. "This is very important. I need you to tell me if he pressured you in any way."

Blaine stares at her, not seeming to understand what she's asking.

"H-he found me on F-Facebook. He seemed nice enough and I was l-l-lonely. I knew that he wanted m-more than to just t-talk. But I w-went anyways."

"Did you go there to have sex with him, Blaine?"

"No!" Blaine's response is immediate, almost violent. "But then he k-kissed me. And he s-said that I'd cheated. And I w-wanted to l-leave. But he s-said that K-Kurt w-wouldn't w-w-want me anymore since I'd cheated on him. And then w-we were in his b-bed and h-he was on top of m-me and I c-c-couldn't get away and I j-just k-knew that he was gonna g-get what he wanted. I b-begged him to w-wear a condom but h-he just l-laughed."

Burt feels sick. Blaine hadn't cheated on Kurt. He'd been raped. Of course he was depressed. He was being treated like a leper when he was really the victim. And because of all that happened to him, he thought that he didn't deserve Kurt or his family's love and support. Because he thought this was all his fault.

After that moment, everything changed. The nurse left to get a different set of supplies. Kurt was crying, a stream of "I love you"'s and "I'm so sorry!"'s leaving his lips. Blaine looked vaguely confused, as if he didn't quite understand what was happening, as the realization everyone else had still hadn't caught up to him yet. He seemed fairly content to be rocked and loved by Kurt.

But then the nurse came back, with someone who introduced herself as specializing in cases of sexual assault, and the connection was made and Blaine lost it again.

* * *

Thank you to **bevjima, FlyWithMe2Neverland, twin1** and a guest for leaving reviews, and thank you to everyone who favourited or signed up for alerts! I hope this chapter lived up to expectations!

The next chapter is coming along slowly, but I'm hoping to have it up by the end of the weekend. Happy Easter!

xSarah


	3. Chapter 3

**Trigger warning: discussion of sexual assault, hospitals**

* * *

_Kurt was crying, a stream of "I love you"'s and "I'm so sorry!"'s leaving his lips. Blaine looked vaguely confused, as if he didn't quite understand what was happening, as the realization everyone else had still hadn't caught up to him yet. He seemed fairly content to be rocked and loved by Kurt. _

_Then a different nurse came in, introducing herself as someone who specializes in cases of sexual assault, and the connection was made and Blaine lost it again._

"No! It wasn't – he didn't – I shouldn't've – if only – you can't!" Blaine yelled, gasping for breath, trying to pull out of Kurt's grasp.

"Blaine." Carole says, her voice gentle even though commanding. "This is not your fault. You do not need to feel guilty or ashamed. Nothing has happened that could change how much we love you. You didn't cheat on Kurt like you thought. You were hurt, badly, but we're going to help you through it, we promise."

"Kurt?" Blaine asks, his voice trembling as he turns to look at his boyfriend.

Kurt sets his jaw and inhales deeply, and Burt knows that he's doing his best to be strong for Blaine.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Kurt asks softly.

"Do you – Could you –" Blaine takes a deep breath, as if the words are too hard to say. "What does this mean for us?"

"I love you." Kurt says immediately, leaning forward to press his forehead to Blaine's, locking their eyes together. "I wish I'd realized sooner that you weren't okay, and I am so sorry that I wasn't able to help you through the past month. But I'm here now, as your boyfriend and as your best friend and I will do anything I can to help you through this."

"You - you still want me?" Blaine asks, tears in his eyes.

"Yes." Kurt says simply, as if there is no debate or question to it, and leans in to kiss Blaine gently, as if to prove it.

It's a slightly uncomfortable moment for Burt, not that he'd never seen the boys kiss before, but this kiss is different. It's intimate, raw and practically naked in that there is nothing separating the boys anymore. The barricade made of anger and hurt and betrayal and shame was torn down as they kissed, and Burt hoped that it would do more to comfort Blaine than any of his own words could .

A few more moments pass, and the nurse clears her throat. The boys separate at the noise, startling slightly as if they had forgotten there were other people in the room.

"Blaine, I have some more questions for you about your assault. They are quite personal questions, so I'm going to request for your family to leave the room."

"NO!" Blaine screams, his eyes terrified. "No - you can't - I need - "

"Can I stay?" Kurt asks, his voice pleading.

The nurse nods thoughtfully. "If Blaine would prefer that, I suppose so."

Burt and Carole move to stand up, and are about to step towards the door when Blaine starts sobbing.

"It's okay, Blaine. I'm staying with you." Kurt says, cradling his boyfriend to his chest.

Blaine tries to say something, but it mainly just sounds like sobs to Burt. Kurt, however, seems to understand it enough, and his face falls.

"Blaine is afraid that if you leave, you won't come back." Kurt whispers to his dad, his voice wavering.

Burt feels his heart wrench for what feels like the millionth time that evening. He steps closer to Blaine, thinking he'll try that eye contact thing that Kurt's been doing before he speaks.

"We'll be just outside the whole time and as soon as we can come back in we will. I promise we aren't going to leave you, Blaine. Just like Kurt and Carole said. We love you and we're going to be here for you any way you need for us to be. It's just better for you if we're out in the hallway."

Blaine shakes his head, which confuses Burt.

"What it is?" he asks, trying to figure out exactly which part of his speech Blaine disagrees with.

"It's not better for me if you're out in the hallway. I want you here. All of you! If I'm not supposed to be ashamed, why should I want you to leave?"

"Are we allowed to stay?" Burt asks, turning to look at the nurse.

"It's highly unconventional." She says, looking conflicted. "But I suppose we make the request so that the patient doesn't have to worry about asking their family to leave. If Blaine is sure that he will feel better with you here, than I suppose I ought to do my best to accommodate that."

Burt sends up a silent prayer of gratitude for her patience as he turns to look back at Blaine.

"I want my family to stay." Blaine says, determinedly.

"Okay." The nurse agrees, and Burt and Carole sit down.

The next while is uncomfortable for everyone, but Burt begins to understand more and more why Blaine wanted for him and Carole to stay. It's partially like the old, trite saying "A worried shared is a worry halved" but Burt thinks it's also to ensure that they all fully understand what had happened, as if giving them the option of revoking their acceptance and comfort should they hear something difficult. Blaine needs them to hear everything, because easy comfort isn't comforting to him. He needs them to know everything and still love him, for Kurt to still want to be with him, even after the invasion of his body.

And it's hard to listen, so hard and Burt wants to jump into his car and find this guy so that he can tear him limb from limb. But he stays. He stays to prove to Blaine that they love him. Also, because Carole has rested her hand on his forearm with just enough pressure to hold him in place.

After the seemingly endless questions, another nurse comes in to take blood samples. It's terrifying to think of what the tests might turn up, but Burt decides to not even think about that now, but that they'll cross that bridge _if_ they come to it. When she finishes taking the samples, Blaine is sent to provide a urine sample as well. When he returns, it's time for a physical examination, and Burt is relieved when Blaine allows Burt and Carole to wait outside the room. Kurt says he'll stay, in a tone slightly bitchy, as if to remind people that Blaine's body is not something he hasn't seen before.

Burt and Carole pace the waiting room, pausing only to hug each other and whisper a few words of comfort. Burt tries not to think too much about what is happening on the other side of the door, and, of course, fails miserably.

After what feels like hours but is probably no more than ten minutes, the nurse leaves the room and tells Burt and Carole that they can go back in. Kurt and Blaine both have tear tracks on their faces, but are curled up on the bed in a position that looks much more comfortable than how they had been sitting before. As soon as Burt and Carole sit down, Kurt begins to update them on what they missed.

"So they're running the full scale of STI testing, but some of the tests we won't get results on for a while. Blaine's rapid HIV test was clear, but they want him back in three months and then six to test again to be sure. " Kurt's rattling off information in a way that seems robotic, but, maybe it's easier for him to keep things factual right now. "The physical was fine, which was expected considering that it's been a month. And, they think that if had he come in sooner, the physical still would have been fine. Blaine doesn't want to press charges, and it's important that we support him in his decision. We've got the number for a counselor for Blaine to see, and as soon as they sort out some paperwork we're free to go. Blaine's a bit dehydrated and he hasn't been eating or sleeping well, but hopefully we'll be able to fix those things pretty quickly."

And then it all makes sense to Burt. Kurt is focusing on the little things, the fixable things. You can treat chlamydia, you can treat dehydration, but how do you treat someone for trauma, for assault? It's easier for Kurt right now to focus on Blaine's physical needs, to cuddle him and feed him and just generally pamper him, than to deal with the cause of all the little problems.

If Burt's learned anything, though, it's that things will catch up to you, and most of the time it will happen when you least expect it. It'll be better in the long run if they can talk things through, work things out gradually before they explode. But, for now, Burt's inclined to give them a night or two to lose themselves in each other, to reacquaint themselves with the unique comfort that they can receive just by being together.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I'm thinking there will be one more chapter, and I'll try to post it by the end of the week!

Thanks to **GAML4EVER, klainediva, FlyWithMe2Neverland, Mateomouse1, Becky, bevjima, twin1, hpfreak1213, GraceCale, Jackie, Deb** and a guest for commenting! I really appreciate it!

GraceCale asked why I don't think Blaine would have consented. I have a variety of headcanon-y things, things which people are absolutely allowed to disagree with me about. One thing for me is the fact that Blaine tends to be fairly passive in his interactions with people. He wants to make people happy, and tends to just let things happen. A lot of people would say that letting someone have sex with you is consent - "You didn't say no!" But when one studies consent, it is clear that the inability to provide enthusiastic consent is equal to not giving consent at all. This story is a bit more extreme than I think would have happened in canon, but I've got another story I'll post soon that I think is more accurate. I hope that, at least, partially explains where I'm coming from! :)

Happy Easter!


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